A City of Neighbors

Posted by: Terrence Miller

There a few things more powerful than the Biblical command to ‘love your neighbor as you would want to be loved.’ It is not a metaphor, theory in ethics or literary hyperbolae. It is the simple yet profound recognition that we live side by side in this world and it will take some work to get along. In cities, where people live in close proximity and parking is at a premium, expectations will lead to unavoidable differences and conflicts. Give and take and pausing to consider how one’s actions may affect another is not just a matter of common courtesy it is the substance of what good neighbors are all about.

Neighbors look out for each other. We pray for one another when one may be ill, say hello, encourage, lend a helping hand and celebrate together. Most neighborhoods share a type of solidarity, an unspoken knowledge that by sharing a piece of common sod we have at least an obligation to treat each other with respect and dignity. It is the fabric of a great community.

Perhaps if we engaged each other as neighbors-to-neighbor, rather than legislator-to-resident, police officer-to-citizen, black-on-white-on-Latino, gay-to-straight or any number of other relationships where we feel compelled, for better or worse, to make the distinctions, we might just find our behavior changing—motivated by what is in the best interest of others and not ourselves.

A code officer might knock on the door of the resident who has poured heart, soul and money into a run down, eyesore of a house, and pin a medal on them for beautifying the block instead of...

...threatening to fine them for a minor infraction. The county employee who, while having the legal right to park on the street, may just decide to park instead in a designated lot so the homeowners and residents have more places to park. A police officer might unexpectedly knock on your door and say ‘thanks neighbor, I remember when we used to get called out here all the time, but since you’ve moved in its really improved.’ Likewise, someone may flag down a patrol car and show equal gratitude. A city legislator, though wounded by a criticism, could respond with patience and a desire to learn and sympathize with his or her neighbor before responding with a rebuke. A homeowner may even invite a couple of the local gang members in for cup of hot chocolate simply because they are her neighbors (it happens you know).

A couple of weeks ago, our two cars were ticked by a parking enforcement officer. We have parked the same way for the last six years without any issue and have always been careful to pull the car behind the painted yellow curb. We were ticketed by the very officer who had seen our cars parked there for years. The issue is that we have to be twenty feet from the curb—technically, as I was told, something I should know because it was on my driver’s test (the one I took 32 years ago).

This particular guy was just doing his job, I get that, but you know what, if he treated me like a neighbor, I bet he would have slipped a little note under our wipers. Perhaps if I had taken the time to treat him more like a neighbor it would have made a difference.

After being ticketed I went to see one of my ‘neighbors in blue.’ Officer Marraccini and I chewed on the reasons for the citations. He graciously explained the law and rational for the recent spike in ticket issuances. For my part I painted him a picture of how a resident receives that type of punitive action in the absence of good old fashion communication. After filling out a form and shaking hands it was passed across the desk of the powers that be. The verdict: both were dismissed with the caveat that the infractions did not occur in the future. In the twenty minutes of engagement between law enforcement and resident, we were simply acting as neighbors, displaying patience, respect, understanding and compromise.

When we see each other as neighbors, we’re willing to set aside our agendas and even titles for another. We tend to listen more attentively and find value in each other’s perspective or even complaint where we couldn’t see it before. We learn to compromise and often find that we can bend a little bit more than we thought. Before we’re the angry homeowner with a grievance, a police officer writing a ticket, a legislator defending a policy, a code officer enforcing a code or a merchant soliciting customers, we’re neighbors to each other.

We are a ‘city of neighbors.’